It was a pleasure to burn.

Joy in the burning. 

Last night our family celebrated. We were surrounded by some of our favorite people.

We celebrated life, and being together, and growing and learning.

We celebrated all of our birthdays with many, many cupcakes and champagne.

We celebrated my official passing score on the EPPP with a ceremonial burning of all EPPP study materials and practice tests. (I also burned some dissertation stuff just for good measure.)

Burn, baby, burn. 

It is so good to be with the ones we love. 

There's this simple game I do in therapy sometimes, usually with kids, to practice giving and receiving compliments. Sometimes I'll try it with adults, too, and I watch people fight against themselves to graciously accept a compliment. I'm talking about myself here, too. I do the usual, "Oh, it was nothing," or "No problem," or whatever, but I very rarely just say, "Thank you." And I almost never say what I really want to say. So I'm left feeling frustrated with myself because I didn't communicate this overwhelming gratitude at all - I held a kink in the hose. 

Maybe it just takes time. Most good things do. I'm working to let go and just experience love when it's right there tapping me on the shoulder. 

It is good to hear people say, "You did it!" and "I'm proud of you!" and "It's over!" Good to hear it. Even better to feel it. 

It is good to hear people say, "I love you." Good to hear it. Even better to feel it. 

As Brene Brown says, "We cannot selectively numb emotions." Yes. That. I'm starting to learn that, to experience it. I've gotten closer than I've ever been to a whole gaggle of FEELS. I've felt them and marveled at the physiological response to pain, sadness, grief, joy, pride, love. I've inspected them, tried to explain them, welcomed them in as guests, wished they'd move along, wished they'd stay a while. It's so rich, this emotional world. It's so nice to feel it and just really take it in.

So right now? I'm feeling such a deep sense of joy. I'm feeling peace. I'm feeling excited for the future. Grateful to my friends and teachers. These feelings will not last forever. I'll enjoy them while they're here.