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| Saturday, October 6th, 2007 |
I'm a firm believer in the whole season thing. You know, a time for everything and all that. Turn, turn, turn. I went into marriage pretty certain that I had no idea what the magic key to success was. If I've done the math correctly, most of my family in my generation and my parents' generation did not experience successful marriages (loosely defined by me as life-long marriages and/or those free from abuse). So I was all hopeful that crossing every finger and relying on my wicked determination and commitment skills would make it work. I still felt that surely someone knew some secret about marriage they weren't telling me.
That was seven years ago, today.
It was a beautiful day. We were married at the church Jonathan attended growing up, and everyone we loved was there. My brother wrote and played a song for us, a quartet from our high school played, we took so many pictures and I smiled so much my face hurt. It would be different if I had it all to do over again, now that much older and wiser, but it was exactly what I wanted then and I love remembering it.
Realizing that it's been seven years, I'm really quite impressed with the seasons we've... survived? I can't find the word I'm looking for there. But we've packed some experiences into these first years of wedded bliss. We've moved three times, with one cross-country move. Bought a house. Mostly scraped by financially. Had two children and kept them alive for 4 1/2 and 2 1/2 years, respectively. We've turned toward each other on the regular. We've kept saying thank you and I appreciate you and I'm sorry. We've fought, we've gone on vacation together, we've gone on dates, we've tag-teamed childcare when overwhelmed and needing to just leave. We've made it through a terrifying (for me) time when Jonathan was really legitimately sick. And we're still here. Looking forward to what the next seven years has to throw our way.
So maybe, possibly, there is no secret. Maybe it's just these small, everyday acts of communicating needs and being receptive to each other. Maybe it's about giving each other space to keep growing and learning as individuals, and enjoying one another's growth. Some days it's rainbows and magic and crying tears of joy because this is amazing and he is amazing and we are amazing. Some days it's all frustration and anger and missed connections. And we just keep getting through all the days. There will be seasons where things are easy. There will be painful, growing seasons. It's going to be pretty incredible to get to experience them with Jonathan.
It is not time or opportunity that is to determine intimacy; - it is disposition alone.
Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other,
and seven days are more than enough for others.
Jane Austen
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