Please no more therapy.

One of the kids made this. So Rorschach.

I've always been secretly self-conscious about my inability to play an instrument, sing, or dance with anything approaching even mediocrity. My family set the bar really high as far as music goes. I grew up surrounded by music. Jams, house parties, acoustic shows, singer-songwriter events, the Walnut Valley Bluegrass Festival, busking downtown, driving with the windows down and nothing Top 40 blasting. I never played an instrument for longer than a week or so. I never trusted my ability to sing, so I never really tried to hone the skill.

But there's something I've recently discovered about myself: I can kinda kill it where lyrics are concerned. I remember being called upon when I was pretty young to listen to songs my mom's band was covering to make sure they knew the lyrics. I'd press my ear up against the speaker and play the songs over and over until I was sure I knew the lyrics. (This job has now been replaced by robots and the internet. It's a good thing I didn't try to make a career of it.) A few months ago, when we had a trivia category consisting entirely of somewhat obscure Beatles lyrics, I got every single one. I listen to the words before I listen to the music. I dissect them.

Sometimes, and trust me, I feel like a 13 year old girl saying this, but sometimes songs just speak to me and I listen to them on repeat for hours and days and weeks at a time because they just hit me and it's all therapeutic and whatnot to listen to them on an infinite loop. They take me where I want to go. Sometimes that's deep into an ocean of sadness. Sometimes it's a place so light and hopeful.

So mostly for posterity's sake, I figured I'd chronicle (chronic-WHAT-cle) my musical obsessions over the past few months. Turn on, tune in. (But don't drop out. I try to prevent dropout.)

October 2013
What Sarah Said (Death Cab for Cutie)
Wake Me Up (Avicii)

November 2013
Say Something (A Great Big World)
Crystalised (The XX)
Symphony Number Nine (Gustav Mahler)*
Diamond in the Rough (Shawn Colvin)

December 2013
After All (Dar Williams)
Gravity (Barnaby Bright)
Novocaine for the Soul (Eels)
Don't Carry it All (The Decemberists)
Long December (Counting Crows)

January 2014
Polaroids (Shawn Colvin)
Details in the Fabric (Jason Mraz)
Between the Bars (Elliott Smith - link is to a cover by The Civil Wars that I love)
Pills (The Perishers)

February 2014
Paper Planes (Beautiful Small Machines)
Blue Skies (Noah and the Whale)
Still Sane (Lorde)

March 2014
I Need Love (Sam Phillips)
Some Nights (Fun)

April 2014
Trouble Me (10,000 Maniacs)**
Her Diamonds (Rob Thomas)
Closer to Fine (Indigo Girls)

May 2014
All Day (Girl Talk)
Watching the Detectives (Elvis Costello)

June 2014
What Do You Hear in These Sounds? (Dar Williams)
Two Fingers (Jake Bugg)

July 2014
Living in the Moment (Jason Mraz)
Holy Grail (Jay Z)
All of Me (John Legend)
Magic (Coldplay)

Whew, that took way longer than I thought it would.

*Yeah, no words. Neil told me about this one and his introduction was, "Have you ever listened to the fourth movement in Mahler's ninth symphony? It's devastating." So obviously it was going on the list of things to obsessively listen to.

**Neil told me one day that he was thinking of this song as he watched me fight against myself to talk to him. I'm just a bit of a self-censor-er in therapy. It can make things difficult.

P.S. I totally forgot to mention that if you can figure out which song this post's title comes from, you'll have my mad respect for your very own lyrical genius.