Well, it's been about a week since my mom left and it's just been me and the kidlets at home. It's been a long week, but we made it through each day so that's something. How we made it through is the real story here.
Making friends as an adult is hard. That's not a situation unique to me. It's just hard. And for a long time, like pretty much the first five years we lived in Carolina, we were pretty set on returning to Kansas at our earliest opportunity. So we talked to each other about what a bummer it was to not have our friend groups anymore, and I pushed myself to be social at pretty much every opportunity (I had a rule to never turn down an invitation, even if I didn't really want to go). But it just wasn't really happening for a long time. I met great people. I like them. Schedules or circumstances or kids or whatever got in the way and we just weren't really friends in the way I wanted to have friends. I mean, there were a few exceptions with my mom friends, but even then I wasn't sure whether these were the "call at 3 AM in the middle of a crisis" sorts of friends, or just the "meet for coffee and polite conversation" friends. (I suspected the former was closer to the truth, but couldn't convince myself). And part of that was probably this little voice in my head whispering that I'd be moving back to Kansas anyway, so I didn't have to put my full effort into friendships here.
Then, just about the time that Jonathan started to get sick, we realized/decided that we are going to stay here. And I realized, with a little help from my therapist, that I need more rings. And I started to accept offers of help. And let people in. And be, perhaps, sometimes, for a fleeting moment, vulnerable. Terrifying, yes.
So last week?
On Monday, mom left.
On Tuesday, Emily came over and we put the kids to bed and drank wine and talked.
On Wednesday, Amy brought us dinner at Urgent Care, helped with bedtime, let me go to the hospital to visit Jonathan, and cleaned the house.
On Thursday, Brandi came to my office, took me out to lunch, and left us with some delicious chicken and dumplings for dinner.
On Friday, a bunch of my coworkers offered to bring us meals.
On Saturday, Brandi watched the kids so I could go to therapy, and Emily came over and made dinner and cleaned and hung out.
On Sunday, Alissa and Kieran came over to play and watch the kids so I could run to the store for some fresh fruits and veggies and milk.
Pretty much every day, we had a card or a text or an email from friends and family and sometimes even people we don't know wishing us well. Sending coffee and prayers and good thoughts and help in whatever way they can. It's really incredible.
And in the coming week?
People are making us dinner, taking Evelyn to ballet so she doesn't have to miss it because I need to be at the hospital that day, coming over to watch the kids so I can visit Jonathan or go to other appointments, and I don't even know what else yet.
Life is marching on. I start a Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) program at Duke this week, and I'm really looking forward to it. I signed up for it what seems like forever ago, in early November, after reading a book written by MBSR's creator, Jon Kabat-Zinn. At that time, it didn't even cross my mind that Jonathan would still be sick, let alone hospitalized, come mid-January when the 9-week program started. But thanks to our friends and neighbors for watching the kids, I'll be going. Work is busy and changing and stressful, but still a good escape for me.
As for Jonathan? He's spent the week in the hospital, just waiting to come home. The surgeons let us know that they were going to send him home... over a week ago now I think. But because things move so painfully slowly in the hospital, all of the things that need to happen for him to come home haven't happened yet. One of those things is apparently a crash course in being a nurse for me, because I have to go to the hospital for three separate two-hour trainings in how to do his TPN before they'll let him come home. The first class is tomorrow, and I'm really hoping I can convince the training person that I can learn whatever she wants to teach me in 6 hours in only 2. We'll see if I'm successful in that pursuit. I'll be happy if Jonathan can be home by Friday. He can give himself his Lovenox injections (blood thinner to manage the pulmonary embolism and prevent more, I think?), and he usually takes his anti-nausea meds orally. When he's home, he'll be on TPN for something like 12-16 hours/day just depending on what his body will tolerate, and the rest of the time he'll be free and untethered from the IV. And as for what's next? He has a CT and appointment with the surgeon on January 22nd, so I guess we'll have some more answers then. As far as I know, the plan is still to do surgery and I think the CT is just to help the surgeon plan the surgery. But I don't have any idea how long they'd wait to schedule the surgery after the 22nd. We've been told that he'll probably be in the hospital for at least 10 days following surgery, so at least we'll have some warning and planning time for that.
So there's the update. There's no way I'd still be standing and able to drink a glass of wine and do some journaling and surf Netflix at the end of the day without all the help. Thanks, guys. We appreciate it.
Making friends as an adult is hard. That's not a situation unique to me. It's just hard. And for a long time, like pretty much the first five years we lived in Carolina, we were pretty set on returning to Kansas at our earliest opportunity. So we talked to each other about what a bummer it was to not have our friend groups anymore, and I pushed myself to be social at pretty much every opportunity (I had a rule to never turn down an invitation, even if I didn't really want to go). But it just wasn't really happening for a long time. I met great people. I like them. Schedules or circumstances or kids or whatever got in the way and we just weren't really friends in the way I wanted to have friends. I mean, there were a few exceptions with my mom friends, but even then I wasn't sure whether these were the "call at 3 AM in the middle of a crisis" sorts of friends, or just the "meet for coffee and polite conversation" friends. (I suspected the former was closer to the truth, but couldn't convince myself). And part of that was probably this little voice in my head whispering that I'd be moving back to Kansas anyway, so I didn't have to put my full effort into friendships here.
Then, just about the time that Jonathan started to get sick, we realized/decided that we are going to stay here. And I realized, with a little help from my therapist, that I need more rings. And I started to accept offers of help. And let people in. And be, perhaps, sometimes, for a fleeting moment, vulnerable. Terrifying, yes.
 |
| When I'm busy not making friends, I compulsively organize my entire house. Color-sorting is a favorite task. |
On Monday, mom left.
On Tuesday, Emily came over and we put the kids to bed and drank wine and talked.
On Wednesday, Amy brought us dinner at Urgent Care, helped with bedtime, let me go to the hospital to visit Jonathan, and cleaned the house.
On Thursday, Brandi came to my office, took me out to lunch, and left us with some delicious chicken and dumplings for dinner.
On Friday, a bunch of my coworkers offered to bring us meals.
On Saturday, Brandi watched the kids so I could go to therapy, and Emily came over and made dinner and cleaned and hung out.
On Sunday, Alissa and Kieran came over to play and watch the kids so I could run to the store for some fresh fruits and veggies and milk.
 |
| Evelyn was playing with my phone while I was driving. Apparently she decided to snap some shots of her brother. |
Pretty much every day, we had a card or a text or an email from friends and family and sometimes even people we don't know wishing us well. Sending coffee and prayers and good thoughts and help in whatever way they can. It's really incredible.
And in the coming week?
People are making us dinner, taking Evelyn to ballet so she doesn't have to miss it because I need to be at the hospital that day, coming over to watch the kids so I can visit Jonathan or go to other appointments, and I don't even know what else yet.
Life is marching on. I start a Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) program at Duke this week, and I'm really looking forward to it. I signed up for it what seems like forever ago, in early November, after reading a book written by MBSR's creator, Jon Kabat-Zinn. At that time, it didn't even cross my mind that Jonathan would still be sick, let alone hospitalized, come mid-January when the 9-week program started. But thanks to our friends and neighbors for watching the kids, I'll be going. Work is busy and changing and stressful, but still a good escape for me.
As for Jonathan? He's spent the week in the hospital, just waiting to come home. The surgeons let us know that they were going to send him home... over a week ago now I think. But because things move so painfully slowly in the hospital, all of the things that need to happen for him to come home haven't happened yet. One of those things is apparently a crash course in being a nurse for me, because I have to go to the hospital for three separate two-hour trainings in how to do his TPN before they'll let him come home. The first class is tomorrow, and I'm really hoping I can convince the training person that I can learn whatever she wants to teach me in 6 hours in only 2. We'll see if I'm successful in that pursuit. I'll be happy if Jonathan can be home by Friday. He can give himself his Lovenox injections (blood thinner to manage the pulmonary embolism and prevent more, I think?), and he usually takes his anti-nausea meds orally. When he's home, he'll be on TPN for something like 12-16 hours/day just depending on what his body will tolerate, and the rest of the time he'll be free and untethered from the IV. And as for what's next? He has a CT and appointment with the surgeon on January 22nd, so I guess we'll have some more answers then. As far as I know, the plan is still to do surgery and I think the CT is just to help the surgeon plan the surgery. But I don't have any idea how long they'd wait to schedule the surgery after the 22nd. We've been told that he'll probably be in the hospital for at least 10 days following surgery, so at least we'll have some warning and planning time for that.
So there's the update. There's no way I'd still be standing and able to drink a glass of wine and do some journaling and surf Netflix at the end of the day without all the help. Thanks, guys. We appreciate it.
 |
| ... almost as much as Evelyn appreciates Ms. Brandi's front lawn. |
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