One.

It's amazing what happens in one year. It's clear to me now that having children just pushes the clocks to warp speed and I don't know if time will ever slow down again. Will it go even faster than this year has? I hope not.

There are things I won't miss. Those first weeks of so little sleep that I was dizzy and on the verge of a breakdown over any little thing (I didn't help matters by doing silly things like cleaning the house top to bottom immediately upon returning home from the hospital. Lesson learned). The fear and self-doubt that blanketed me when I couldn't get my baby to nurse. Nightmares that I'd drop her. Again and again those nightmares. The pain of nursing. The forgetfulness (I'm assuming this one might improve?).

But there are so many things I will miss. Those teeny tiny sleepy baby squeaks. That curled-in-a-ball little baby position of the first few weeks. That night in the hospital when it was just me and the Mouse at 2 AM and she latched and I looked at her and just kept saying, "Hey, we did it!" When she first smiled at me on Mother's Day. Watching her wake up to the world around her. Seeing her meet her grandparents, these people who love her so completely. I'll miss the newness of being in the great sisterhood of mothers. I'll miss the calm and quiet routines of those special days where I could stay home from school and work and just have us. I'll miss all the firsts.

And I'll take with me so much hope for the future. I love seeing her every morning. I love to watch as she learns new things. I love watching Jonathan be a dad and talk to his baby girl (Like yesterday, she was having a grumpy day and refused to nap - which made her extra fussy over every little thing. She started crying and flailing about something and I heard Jonathan calmly say, "Evelyn, I know it's hard to control your emotions right how. That's because you're really tired, and you don't have the energy to control your emotions." Be still my therapist heart!). I hope to see her do so many things.

Even though it's a little bit late, happy first birthday to Miss Evelyn Mae!

... and here's a poem I like. Because, why not?

Song for a Fifth Child

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth
empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
hang out the washing and butter the bread,
sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
and out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
but I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren't her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
for children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

Ruth Hulburt Hamilton